Easter Egg Hunt
by Momma-Ran
Summary: Cartman messes with the eggs on the annual Easter Egg Hunt, resulting in a surprise. No pairings. One shot. Complete.


It was Easter Eve and the children of South Park – with the exception of a certain Jewish boy – were eagerly awaiting the arrival of the sun. For tomorrow, by eleven o clock, they would have found all of the hard boiled dyed Easter eggs that are hidden around the church. However, none are quite as eager as Eric Cartman.

It took him a week and a lot of trips to Walmart to get everything he needed. To build up the hype for the Easter Egg Hunt, Eric went on and on about how awesome it was going to be this year. He talked about the professional decoration of the eggs and all the new hiding places he was sure they would be in. Eric made sure that everyone was either excited or curious.

Soon the other kids got sick of hearing about it. In fact, earlier that day the Jewish boy – Kyle Broflovski – pointed a pale freckled finger at Eric and yelled in his face. "You're Jewish too, fat boy!" Before Eric could protest his weight Kyle continued, "That means no hunting for eggs or chocolate bunnies for you!" Being born a Jew, Kyle had already been excluded from all of the Catholic holidays and excitement, and was used to not joining in with the other kids.

Everyone had laughed at the big boned – but certainly not fat – brunette boy. The Easter that Eric switched religions, Kyle had gone around telling everyone. The fiery redhead made sure that Eric stuck to Jewish traditions; although he doesn't know about the brunette's secret consumption of ham. Needless to say, Eric shut his mouth about the upcoming Easter Egg Hunt and sulked for the next two days. He made sure to mumble about how much fun he was missing out on.

* * *

By ten o clock a group of a about thirty kids is gathered behind a white ribbon. In the front of the group is Kenny McCormick. Easter is an especially fun holiday for the blond boy; the hard boiled eggs means he has something to eat for the next day or so. A full belly is the best feeling ever. On one side of him is his friend Stan Marsh and on the other is his little sister Karen.

"I can't believe they got Shelly a real rabbit!" Stan is going on and on about the rabbit his mother got his big sister. Although several times today Stan has assured Kenny that he doesn't want a rabbit, its the fact that Shelly got one at all and he only got a hollow chocolate rabbit that makes Stan angry.

Kenny only bobs his head up and down while letting out sympathetic noises. Honestly, if they got a rabbit, Kenny would probably kill it for food. They don't have the money for worthless pets. The cats only stay because they eat the rats.

He pats Karen on her head, encouraging her to loosen up the death grip she has on his hand. Karen – the sweet little girl that she is – is always worried about not finding enough eggs. Now that Kevin doesn't participate anymore, the youngest McCormicks are the ones who have to bring home the hard boiled eggs.

The crinkling of colored woven baskets with long handles reaches his ears while the kids get restless. His gaze sweeps across the small field and to the small stretch of forest. Hidden all along here are multicolored hard boiled chicken eggs – generally enough for five per kid though no one really pays attention to how much each kid gets. For the past two years, Stan Marsh is the one who found the most eggs. This year, Kenny is determined to surpass him.

His bright blue gaze lands on a glum-looking Kyle sitting between his younger brother Ike and the fatass Cartman. Kenny waves at the trio. Kyle is the only one who gives a halfhearted wave back.

Kenny tunes out the pastor while he gives them the Easter Egg Hunt Rules. Be gentle with the eggs even though they are hard boiled. Save some for the other kids. No stealing eggs from baskets. Come back when the whistle sounds because that means the hunt is over.

The ribbon is cut. Kenny races into the stretch of woodland, knowing that most of the others will search nearer the field and church first. The blond finds a pink egg with yellow swirls beneath a bush. For a second he takes a moment to stare at the carefully colored egg. Cartman was right about them doing it professionally.

Kenny hears footsteps and sees the twitching Tweek pick up a blue egg with yellow speckles. He tucks it carefully into his basket then leaves to sit on the sidelines. Kenny knows its the only egg Tweek will take.

He refocuses on his own hunt, eyes sweeping the forest for a hint of pastel color. On a low tree limb nestled near the trunk is a white egg with green and blue splotches on the top and bottom. It goes carefully tucked into his basket. Kenny peeks into an old bird's nest and finds a yellow egg with orange and pink stripes.

More kids are in the forest now. A small blonde second grader – Flora – snatches a green and yellow spotted egg wedged between two rocks before Kenny can grab it. She sticks her tongue out at him. In response, Kenny pulls a Craig and flips her off.

Standing still for a moment, searching desperately, Kenny watches the activity around him. Adults wander around to count the eggs kids have collected so that everyone knows when to blow the whistle to give up. The eggs that are in obvious, easy-to-find places are pretty much all nestled safely into baskets.

Beside him, comes a cracking sound. Kenny jumps, whipping around to see Craig Tucker. The noirette Peruvian-American youth is staring at the bottom of his shoe with a frown. Among the green and orange egg shell is a sticky, lumpy mess. For some reason, looking at it makes Kenny a little sick. He turns away from the sight of the egg-breaker.

Kenny nearly trips over a broken beer bottle. He kicks it in anger and is pleased to see an egg in the snow. It has a pink and blue swirl design. The blond keeps hunting, this time closer to the church; in-case someone missed one.

Blue eyes watch a stuttering Butters helping a kindergartener find eggs. In his own basket there is only one. Last year he was so busy helping the younger kids that Butters didn't get any eggs at all.

Just as Kenny finds an egg that is half orange and half blue, the whistle blows. As he makes his way to the front of the church, Kenny spots another egg beneath a low pine tree. The half yellow, half blue egg goes into his basket to make six.

The blond boy allows his eggs to be counted and added to a list. It quickly becomes clear that Kenny won this year. The boy in the orange parka does a victory dance. Even better is that Karen has three more eggs in her worn basket.

* * *

Kyle bounds over to his Super Best Friend Stan. He sees the five eggs in his friend's basket and gives him a sympathetic pat on the back. Kenny is doing a victory dance that is making his normally shy sister smile. "Dude, the eggs are fucked up." Kyle warns the noirette.

Stan frowns at him then down at the eggs. "What do you mean?" They look fine on the outside and they definitely don't smell bad; but Kyle knew that there was going to be something wrong with this years Egg Hunt. There had to be with Cartman blabbing about it so much.

Kyle jerks his chin in the direction of Craig. "Dude, Craig stepped on one and said it was weird on the inside."

Both boys peer over at Craig Tucker. The noirette boy is sitting beside Tweek looking a little sick to his stomach. He's urgently explaining something to the blond boy, who is looking more and more like the single egg he has cradled in his hands is a monster.

Green and dark blue eyes find Cartman. The fatass is laughing hysterically. For once Kyle is glad that he's Jewish and doesn't have to do things like this. But because the others take the Egg Hunt so seriously – and because Kyle loves picking fights with the brunette – the redhead storms over to Cartman. He grabs a fistful of red jacket and hauls the heavy boy up so they are face-to-face.

"What the fuck did you do?" Kyle growls out.

Cartman is laughing. He doesn't seem to be able to stop even though he's gasping for breath.

Spittle flies onto Kyle's face. In disgust, the redhead drops Cartman on his ass. He can see that he's going to have to let this slide. They will find out soon enough what Cartman did and in the mean time, they have to warn the other kids not to eat the eggs.

* * *

"TURD!" Stan rolls out of bed with a groan. His stomach is churning from the cheap hollow chocolate bunny he got for Easter. In his blue pajama bottoms, Stan pads out of his room and downstairs. The noirette freezes when he gets to the kitchen.

On the table in his basket comes a peeping noise. "Wha...?" Stan looks from the basket to his older sister with a frown. He doesn't seem to be able to make the connection. The boy with black hair walks up to the table and peers into his blue basket. There are five fluffy little chicks in bumping into each other.

"You are so dead, turd." Comes Shelly's words of wisdom.

Stan rolls his eyes. He picks up the phone from off its hook and dials Kyle's number. "Hey Kyle? Yeah, so those eggs were fertilized and they hatched." Stan pauses while Kyle responds. "Yeah, so there are five of them. I should probably call Kenny and make sure he didn't eat them."

Stan hangs up and dials Kenny's number. "Dude, you didn't eat those eggs did you?"

"What eggs? These are fuckin' chickens, man." Kenny sounds excited. "If you don't want yours, I'll take them."

Stan rolls his eyes but tells Kenny that he hasn't decided what to do with them yet. The noirette hangs up the phone and goes back to stare at the small yellow chicks. He reaches out with one finger to gently rub a fluffy yellow head. This is cool, he decides.


End file.
